Chicks Beach Mayors Toast
The Mayor of Chicks Beach, Beetle
The Toast of the week:
May your wedding night be like a kitchen table...
all legs and no drawers.
Said the Sardarjee to the bartender ,“ I'll have what the man on the floor's having!”
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
Do not resent growing old.
Many are denied the privilege.
Always remember to forget
The troubles that passed away.
But never forget to remember
The blessings that come each day.
May you taste the sweetest pleasures that fortune ere bestowed,
and may all your friends remember all the favors you are owed.
WALKING AND BEER
A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles per year.
Another study found Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of beer a year.
That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Kind of makes you proud to be an American.
When money's tight and hard to get
and your horse is also ran,
When all you have is a heap of debt
a pint of plain is your only man.
I love to drink martinis.
Two at the very most.
Three I'm under the table.
Four I'm under the host!
I like beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to
celebrate a major event such as the fall of communism
or the fact that the refrigerator is still working.
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer.
Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention,
but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
An Irishman is never drunk as long as
He can hold onto one blade of grass and not
Fall off the face of the earth.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day
In all this world, why I do think
There are five reasons why we drink:
lest we be dry
and any other reason why.
Eric Clapton, Jack Bruce and Ginger Baker once
sang me a song titled "I can't find my way Home"
I've been around the world twice on the back of a slow moving turtle
and I've never heard such a sad story.
I have never met Napoleon
but I plan to find the time.
To women and horses...
And the men that ride them
Here's to all of the women who have used me and abused me...
And may they continue to do so!
A mouth of a perfectly happy man is
filled with beer.
The problem with some people is
that when they aren’t drunk they're sober.
On the chest of a barmaid in Sale Were tattooed the prices of ale.
And on her behind, For the sake of the blind,
Was the same information in braille.
Here's to the breezes that blow through the trees,
That blow the skirts off of young girls' knees,
Which lead to the sights that sometimes pleases,
But more often leads to social diseases.
Here's to the perfect girl, I couldn't ask for more.
She's deaf 'n dumb, oversexed, and owns a liquor store
Here's to the holly with its bright red berry.
Here's to Christmas, let's make it merry.
Here's to the girl with a kiss like wine,
Here's to the girl with a form divine,
I like them both but I'll take for mine,
The girl whose boast is the dollar sign.
Here's to King Solomon, ruler and sage, the wisest of men in history's page.
He had wives by the thousand, and thought it was fun...
Here's hoping you'll know how to handle just one.
Here's to my mother-in-law, who still calls me a son...
But I never let her finish the sentence.
Here's to wives and sweethearts!
May they never, never meet.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink.
When they wake up in the morning,
that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
24 hours in a day,
24 beers in a case.
Coincidence? I think not
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame.
Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams ..
If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver
There's many a toast I'd like to say,
If I could only think it.
So fill your glass to anything,
And, thank the Lord, I'll drink it
Not drunk is he who from the floor Can rise alone, and still drink more;
But drunk is he who prostrate lies,
Without the power to drink or rise.
Drink with impunity --
Or anyone who happens to invite you!
When your heels strike hard and your head feels queer,
And you thoughts rise up like the froth on beer;
When your knees grow weak and your voice grows strong,
And you laugh like a fool at some silly song --
You're drunk, my boy, you're drunk.
Here's to a guy who is never blue,
Here's to a buddy who is ever true,
Here's to a pal, no matter what the load,
Who never declines, just one for the road.
There are many good reasons for drinking --
And one has just entered my head:
If a man doesn't drink when he's living,
How the hell can he drink when he's dead!
Here's to a long life and a merry one,
A quick death and an easy one,
A pretty girl and a true one,
A cold bottle and another one.
Fill to him, to the brim!
Round the table let it roll.
The divine says that wine Cheers the body and the soul.
May the people who dance on your grave get cramps in their legs.
May bad fortune follow you all your days
And never catch up with you.
May our wine brighten the mind and strengthen the resolution.
Here's champagne to our real friends,
And real pain to our sham friends.
Don't make love by the garden gate -
Love is blind -
but the neighbors ain't !
May you live to be a hundred years,
With one extra year to repent!
Here's to your coffin!
May your coffin have six handles of finest silver!
May your coffin be carried by six fair young maids!
And may your coffin be made of finest wood from a 100-year-old tree,that I'll go plant tomorrow!
Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking.
If you cheat, may you cheat death.
If you steal, may you steal a woman's heart.
If you fight, may you fight for a brother.
And if you drink, may you drink with me.
"When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
So, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven!
"May your neighbors respect you,
Trouble neglect you,
The angels protect you,
And heaven accept you."
May the winds of fortune sail you,
May you sail a gentle sea.
May it always be the other guy who says, "this drink's on me."
"Claret is the liquor for boys, port for men;
but he who aspires to be a hero must drink brandy."
"May you die in your sleep like my grandfather...
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car"
“Damnation seize my soul if I Give you Quarters or take any”
“May the smell of a thousand dirty Camel feet infest your car if you park in front of another residences driveway.”
“Here’s to our troops bravely fighting terrorism to keep our land safer,
Here’s to the working man who pulls all his shifts and doesn’t call in sick on Monday,
Here’s to the single mom raising her children on a shoestring and a dime, God Bless this Country”